The words from Mother Teresa have never left me. When I first read this about God speaking in the silence of the heart when we listen, I stopped in my tracks because it spoke so deeply to me, that I needed to calm down and listen, because God was speaking. God does not yell or shout, but if I’m in turmoil or fear, I let my fears speak so loudly that I tune out God. When I get still, in that stillness are my answers from God.
There is a light in this world…a healing spirit much stronger
than any darkness we may encounter.
We sometimes lose sight of this force…
where there is suffering and too much pain.
And suddenly the spirit will emerge…
through ordinary people and answer in extraordinary ways.
God speaks in the silence of the heart when we listen.”
– Mother Teresa
There are many dark moments that come from the diagnosis of breast cancer. Yet in each of these dark moments, shimmers of light and new hope for the healing journey can be experienced. Perhaps it is only when we are in fear and in darkness that we allow ourselves to reach out for help and to see our life and our life’s course anew. Perhaps the darkness serves as a backdrop to see our greatest light for healing.
Perhaps it is our fears that finally allow us to connect to a greater source both outside of ourselves and within ourselves.
One of my darkest moments after being diagnosed with breast cancer occurred after the mastectomy and after my loved ones had returned to their daily work routines. Even though everyone that I could possibly be needing was only a phone call away, I felt that I was all alone and that I didn’t have any strength to overcome cancer. I could no longer pretend to be strong and I was overwhelmed with fear. I broke down and sobbed and the gush of fears and tears uncontrollably came pouring out, all in the solitude of my home with each sob echoing across the walls and reminding me over and over how vulnerable and afraid I was.
I was afraid I would never feel feminine again, and even with a loving and supportive husband, I was afraid for my marriage, I was afraid for what this experience was doing to my children, and I was afraid I was going to die.
Finally, after such uncontainable retching of emotions, I stilled myself and caught my breath, and it was then that I heard a small flock of birds singing outside of the window. I do not know how long these beautiful creatures had been there, but I immediately somehow knew they were there for me in my time of need. This profoundly peace-filled realization that birds were there for me and to sing to me in my time of darkness is still a wonder filled memory to this very day for me.
This experience became one of my most empowering lessons for listening, and for living. It was through their songs that I connected to the possibility that wellness for me was possible. It was through such simple, yet beautiful chirping, that I connected to a knowingness that the healing way would be shown to me moment by moment, day by day, and that I did not need to ever feel alone.
It couldn’t have been an accident that later in my healing journey I came across these captioned words of Mother Teresa. When I read her words the first time, I immediately remembered the day when I thought I was alone, and I thought I was too depleted to heal and yet a beautiful flock of birds arrived at such a perfect time to reach me with a language that was beyond my conscious thoughts.
God’s use of his birds helped still my fears so that something deep within me could be reached so that I could believe there was a way for me and that my healing journey was waiting on me to take the first step.
Today, I bask in knowing that the power of the healing spirit lies in any given moment that we allow ourselves to connect with it, and that the healing answers come in whatever form the receiver is able to connect with at the time.
I am forever grateful for the wisdom of Mother Teresa on listening as it continues to help me in my everyday life.