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There’s a Party in Aisle 15 ~ What Does Hardware Have to do with Sexuality?

Barbara Musser, sexy after cancer, talk sexy, cancer and intimacy, fantasies

Recently a friend told me that this image reminded her of me and my work. As I looked at it, I laughed, getting the joke.  And then it got me thinking about how we sometimes make jokes or shame ourselves about our sexuality. You’ve probably seen the knowing winks and heard the snickers when the talk turns to sex, especially what might be considered out of the norm or kinky.  Suddenly the conversation can get raunchy or lewd. Sometimes that’s fun, often not.

Okay, so how about if we lighten up and use that same language that can cause us to cringe, to have some fun? What do I mean by that? I’m thinking of aural sex ~ no, that’s not a typo for oral sex; it’s about what we say and hear.

Some people call it “talking dirty.” In my world, there’s nothing dirty about intimacy and sex. It’s lots of things ~ fun, hot, racy, exciting, sweet, intense, tender, and so on ~ but dirty? NOT!

Let’s turn the tables and call it talking sexy. I invite you to make a date to talk sexy with your partner. The context is to tell each other what you want to do to and with them and to receive from them with the focus on sex.  Set aside an hour or so when you can be private and play. Have some fun with this. It’s so easy to forget that intimacy and sexuality can be fun.

Then use this hardware sign as inspiration ~

  • Maybe you want to tie them up or be tied up ~ this is called bondage.
  • Maybe you want to screw, a euphemism for intercourse.
  • Perhaps being tied down appeals to you? That’s submission or being dominated.
  • What kind of lubricants do you like? Water based, oil based, silicon? Maybe some organic coconut oil?
  • Do you like to play with vibrators or other toys or devices? These are pieces of hardware.
  • Maybe there’s a fantasy or two in your mind that you haven’t shared. Give it a whirl and see how that heats up the conversation. Just remember that sometimes fantasies are better left as fantasies, and sometimes it’s really fun to act them out.
  • How do you want to touch and be touched? Kiss and be kissed?
  • What do you want to see them wearing?
  • Where do you want to do these activities?

As you talk sexy, notice how it feels. Remember that this is about talking. If you choose to act on any of what you share, make sure you both agree on what that is and how it will work. Then go for it.

Here’s an example to give you an idea ~ my partner and I like to work out together. The other day after a workout, we took a shower together and had a really fun conversation about some things we could do with some of the equipment in the gym:

  • One lies on the floor while the other lays on top and does pushups, sharing a passionate kiss each time they lower their body.
  • One lies flat on a bench with knees bent and free weights in their hands. The other kneels beside them and strokes their inner thighs and inner upper arms while they try to do some curls or flies with the weights.
  • One runs or jogs and the other follows, breathing down their neck and whispering, “When I catch up with you, I’ll have my way with you…”

Get the idea? Let your imagination out to play. After all, our brain is our biggest sex organ. So why not use it more and be creative?

If you choose to talk sexy or create some sort of play, have fun. And please feel free to share any ideas or experiences here so that we can all learn from you and benefit! And if it happens to be on Aisle 15, definitely let us know!